Courage

I am not only learning to be a bookseller these days, I am also learning the depth of my courage. I have had my share of challenges in life and I have faced them all with a strong will and a determined nature. Yet, it wasn’t until I dared to venture out into the uncertainty of following an amazing dream, primarily on my own, that I discovered my true capacity for courage.

For many reasons, I have had to embark on this bookselling adventure primarily by myself. My family has been a wonderful support, especially my husband, but with a little one at home and many other responsibilities someone has to attend to, we can only spare one of us to nurture this dream. So I steal as many moments as I can to assemble the pieces of The Reading Chair and, in doing so, I have found myself wishing I could hide under my chair, hide under the covers of my bed and even turn and run after a three hour drive without even entering the event I battled the LA traffic for. Thankfully, at each moment I longed to flee, I was able to summon the peace of mind and cleansing breath that helped me turn that doorknob, flash a smile and even seek out a complete stranger to thank her for her kind and encouraging words.

Courage, I am discovering, has a lot to do with pretending you possess it. How does the saying go, “Fake it ‘til you make it?” Regardless of the actual cliché, the sentiment is the same. I have only been active in the bookselling community since March and yet I have found myself in more situations than I could have imagined when I was intimidated by my surroundings and breadth of experience and knowledge of those I was with. Inside, all I wanted to do in these situations was melt into the wall, disappear under my chair or even quietly runaway but each and every time I summoned a smile to hide behind long enough to gather my wits.

Why on earth would I confess my desire to runaway and hide and publish it on the internet? Because it’s part of how I’ve learned to be brave; be honest and true to yourself. A primary reason I wish to be a bookseller and open an independent book store is to make a difference in my community and to pay-it-forward for all of the positive influences and role models I’ve had in my life. The Reading Chair’s doors aren’t open yet, they don’t even really exist yet, but because of my commitment to my community and to – hopefully – becoming a positive role model for others, I feel it necessary to admit to my intimidation and help share how I overcome it.

So to all who have a dream you feel may be impossible, or even just an intimidating situation, remember you are not alone. I encourage you to fake a smile, take a deep breath and collect your wits. You may also discover the courage you never knew you had.